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 I made a bit of a decision. I'm going to get rid of some stuff like books and a couple of bits of furniture, like a table and chairs and a china cabinet. I hate to do it, but right now things are bad enough that I don't have much of a choice. 

I also decided I'm going to look for a one bedroom place. It means I'm going to have to cut down a lot of stuff, but I'm just tired of wishing for something I'm never going to get, so I'm just giving in. I've always felt that it's not going to matter what I do. Someone or something out there has decided that I'm never going to be allowed to have a nice home and nice furniture, so I might as well not have anything at all. 

I'm tired. I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to keep complaining about how my life sucks but you know what, it really does. I can't keep struggling with this on my own but again, something or someone has seen to it that that's all I'm going to get. I hate being alone but I can't afford to do anything about it. It takes money to go out and meet people. Most clubs require some kind of membership fee and I can't even pay that. 

Anyway, I'm sure you guys are sick and tired of reading my complaints so I'm going to shut up now. If things keep going the way they're going, I might even close down my accounts. Like I said, I don't want to do this anymore. If I don't have these accounts, then no one has to put up with my bullshit. If the universe has decided that I'm going to be alone then I'm just going to accept it. 

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July 2018


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