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There's something that is bugging me ...

My brother and I have never really had a close relationship. We've drifted apart over the past ten years or so and it's got worse since he met his partner and had kids, but I don't know ... maybe I'm over-reacting?

A few weeks ago, he came to Auckland on business but didn't bother contacting me. Not even a phone call. I had to hear about it after the fact when my Mum told me he'd been here. He was here at least a couple of days and his excuse was he didn't have a vehicle or he was busy working?

I got so pissed off I told my Mum that was it. I wanted no more to do with him. I mean, over the past ten years, since I've been in Auckland, the only contact he's initiated is pretty much a brief text on my birthday. Everything I hear about what he's up to, I have to hear about it second-hand, through our mother, and only because she calls him. He never calls her.

I went down to see him and his partner the year their son was born and I got to see him when he was three months old. The only other time I've been able to see my nephew is if they've come up to stay with Mum, which has been on rare occasions.

When my niece was born, the first time I actually got to see her was when she was three months old. The next time I saw her was when she was three, I think. By then the kids didn't even know me.

I've seen them sporadically since then. The last time was at Xmas but only because Mum kind of guilted my brother into coming up to see her and I happened to be spending Xmas at Mum's (she lives about an hour and a half drive away).

The thing is, I don't have a car and because I'm working full-time it's really hard to arrange travel down to where my brother lives as it's more than 500kms away. Travelling on a train is really expensive. Put it this way, I went down on the train to my Mum's place at Xmas and it was nearly $100 return. Also I feel really guilty about taking time off work (even though I'm entitled to it) but that's a whole other work-related suck.

Besides that, I kind of feel really uncomfortable if I go visit them, like I'm almost unwelcome. The kids are happy to see me, but I just don't know what to say to my brother. I can't talk to him anymore.

I've basically given up trying to make him understand how hard it is for me up here. I'm alone, and it's fucking lonely. I don't have anyone. I rarely, if ever, see my friends. My closest friend here, who I've known for over twenty years, never calls or emails. I basically have to initiate contact and it's like getting blood out of a stone with some of them. All of this makes me want to retreat into my shell even more.

I get that he has a family and a full-time job and yeah, he's busy, but is it too much to ask for him to even call me and say, hi, I'm here in Auckland? Is it too much to ask him to even acknowledge me?

You know what he tells my Mum when she tells him how upset I am about all this? I need to 'grow up'. I'm so pissed off about this, you have no idea. How dare he accuse me of being immature when he basically treats me like dirt. I don't care if it's a 'male' thing. I've known some families who happen to have male and female siblings and they're a lot closer.

I don't want to punish my niece and nephew for their father's issues with me, but if he can't be bothered acknowledging me then I would rather act like I don't have a brother, or a niece and nephew.

Sorry, I just needed to have a rant.



( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
Apr. 19th, 2014 09:08 am (UTC)

I'm really sorry to hear that!!
Apr. 19th, 2014 09:12 am (UTC)
Let me tell you, Jan, don't ever let things get as bad as this with your sisters. It hurts like hell when your family just doesn't give a shit about you.
Apr. 19th, 2014 12:11 pm (UTC)
You have every right to be upset about this. Your brother is the immature one. Unfortunately he will probably not change. Keep in touch with your niece and nephew with cards. And hope for the best with them.
Apr. 19th, 2014 06:20 pm (UTC)
He clearly doesn't think he's done anything wrong, yet I consider what he did to be extremely rude.
(Deleted comment)
Apr. 20th, 2014 06:17 pm (UTC)
Thank you, it does help knowing that someone else does understand where I'm coming from.
Apr. 22nd, 2014 10:30 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry my friend.
I'm an only child so I can't give you goof advices about how to handle a brother.
But before you cut them all off your life think if it's the best for you. Maybe you should keep you can keep some contact with niece and nephew only. I don't know how old they are but maybe a phone call sometimes or mail or email.
Hope you find the best way and be happy with it
And whenever you need I'm here for you
Apr. 23rd, 2014 06:33 am (UTC)
Thank you, your support means a lot.
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )

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