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The Truth About Men and Women 42/74

Author: Phoenixnz
Fandom: Smallville
Genre: Romcom,Drama, movie knock-off, AU
Rating: R (for innuendo, although there may be smut later)
Pairing: Clark Luthor/Lois Lane
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, not even the AU ones, or the movie this one is based on. Some situations from the movie The Ugly Truth are borrowed for effect, but with a Smallville spin on them.
Feedback: Yesh pleash
Art: dream_infinity0

Summary: Lois Lane is a dedicated journalist. So dedicated in fact that she has trouble with relationships. She is mortified when cable show host and womaniser Clark Luthor joins the Daily Planet as a columnist and he begins teaching her the truth about male/female relationships. From his angle anyway.


Chapter Forty-Two

Clark loved the zoo almost as much as Lena. He remembered years ago when his mother had taken him and his brother around to see all the animals and he had stared wide-eyed at the big cats. Lena’s reaction the first time she’d gone to the zoo in London had been pretty much the same, he decided.

He was worried about his niece, especially after what had happened earlier, but Lois had been amazing. He had never seen anyone so easygoing with a child as Lois was. In a lot of ways, Lois was right. The two girls related to each other on some level.

He admired Lois in a lot of things. Her strength, and her intelligence. But also for her heart. She might have spent the last few years protecting herself from situations where she could have had her heart broken, but she had opened up for him, and he loved her for that.

Clark watched her now as she and Lena stood beside the big cat enclosure. Lois was pointing out the lions chilling out in the sun. Metropolis Zoo had a program where people could spend time with the cubs if they wanted to and they were just in time for the newest litter.

He bent down to talk to his niece.

“I talked to one of the keepers. She said you can go and get up close with the cubs if you want.”

Lena turned to him, eyes shining. “Really?”

“Yup. But you have to listen to everything the keeper says, okay? The cubs can get a bit too boisterous.”

“Okay Uncle Clark.”

Lena skipped quite happily to the gate of the enclosure where the cubs were separated from the rest of the big cats and took the hand of the keeper, who led her inside. Clark held back a little. Lois looked around at him curiously, and grinned.

“Come on. I want to have a play too.”

Clark smirked at her. His idea of ‘play’ and Lois’ idea of play were obviously two different things.

Lois chuckled and kissed him quickly.

“You’ll get your turn later,” she told him.

Clark laughed to himself as he followed her. Seemed she was now able to read his mind. It wasn’t too hard though, since all he could think about was her.

Just as he turned to enter the enclosure to join the girls, he heard his name being called. He looked around to see Lex coming toward him.

“I see you got my text then,” Clark said.


“How was the board meeting?”

“A nightmare,” Lex sighed, shaking his head. “I’ve got board members jockeying for the position left vacant by Tess.”

Clark frowned at him. “Don’t these guys have any sensitivity?”

“None whatsoever. How’s things here?”

“Lena and Lois are probably playing with the cubs about now,” Clark grinned. “C’mon.”

They went inside to find Lena happily surrounded by white lion cubs. She looked up and grinned.

“Daddy! Look, aren’t they cute? I wish I could keep one,” she said wistfully.

“I think it would grow far too big to live in our house, baby,” he answered.

Clark chuckled. Lena clearly loved animals. Lex had quietly told him before he left that he planned on taking Lena to the animal shelter to find her a cat. He’d clearly thought a lot about Lena’s reaction to playing with the Kents’ dog. Clark knew Lena wanted a dog, but Lex was right. It wasn’t practical, especially if he had to go out of town on one of his infrequent business trips.

Lois was crouched down beside Lena with a cub in her lap. She noticed him watching and grinned up at him.

“They don’t bite. Much,” she said.

Clark knelt beside her and a cub immediately made a beeline for him, trying to crawl into his lap. He pulled it up by the scruff of its neck and began stroking it. The cub tried to bite a finger and he laughed at the comical expression on the cub’s face when it realised it couldn’t bite him at all.

Lex had clearly managed to get a camera from somewhere and he began taking snapshots of his daughter with the animals. Lois tried to block him from taking a picture of her. Especially as she had minimal make-up on her face. But as Clark watched her enjoying her time with the baby lions, he thought she’d never looked more beautiful.

All too soon it was time to leave the enclosure. Lena looked disappointed, but her father soon cheered her up with a promise of lunch in the zoo restaurant.

“Can I have anything I want, Daddy?” she asked as they were seated.

“Anything you want,” her father told her.

“Even if I just want icecream?” she asked.

Clark glanced at Lois and snickered as she hid her expression, trying not to laugh at this. He wondered how Lex would handle this, knowing Lena was just testing him.

“Lena, honey, I think you should have something more substantial than just icecream.”

Lena grinned at her father. “So it’s not ‘anything’,” she said.

“Brat!” Lex said fondly.

After lunch, they explored the rest of the zoo. Clark ignored the stares from other patrons. They seemed to find it rather odd that Lex Luthor was walking around Metropolis Zoo like any other member of the public. But Lena didn’t seem to notice. She was too happy that her father was playing hooky from work just to spend time with her.

It was mid-afternoon by the time they finally left the zoo. Lena was happily clutching a stuffed lion her father had bought for her. Lex didn’t normally spoil or indulge his daughter, as he wanted her to have a normal childhood, but Clark could understand why today. The bond between father and daughter was obvious as Lena chattered away happily.

Lex pulled out his car keys and looked at Clark.

“So I’ll see you both at dinner?” he asked.

“We’ll be there,” Clark told him. “We still have that pool game.”

Lex frowned, then remembered. “Oh yeah. That’s right. I get a chance to beat your ass.”

“In your dreams, big brother,” Clark snorted.

He watched as Lex ushered his daughter into the car. In spite of Lex’s workaholic habits, he was a good father, and Lena clearly loved him. Clark hoped that he would get that lucky one day. Lois was right. Whether or not a child was biologically his didn’t matter. What mattered was the love between parent and child.

Still, having a daughter who would take after Lois in every way would be the icing on the cake for him. He knew he would love his little girl as much, if not more, as he loved Lena.

As he drove Lois to her townhouse so she could pack a few things for the weekend, he thought about the situation. He hadn’t discussed the prospect of having children with a human woman with Jor-El because he had never met anyone he’d wanted to have children with until Lois. And he still wasn’t sure he wanted to have that conversation with his birth father. He and Jor-El, or rather the avatar of the man who had given him life, had never got along at the best of times.

It wasn’t that Jor-El was cold. When he’d programmed the system to provide Clark with all he needed for his survival on this world, he had left out all emotion, thinking that he’d made too many mistakes due to those emotions. Clark didn’t buy it. It had made it harder to relate to him on a more personal level.

He decided he would discuss the matter with Lex and see what his brother could come up with. But he wasn’t going to say anything to Lois until he could be sure of what they were facing.
Lois nudged him.

“Hey, are you okay? You’re awfully quiet.”

“Just thinking.”

“About what?” she asked.

Clark almost rolled his eyes. He understood that Lois was concerned, but why was it that every woman wanted to know what he was thinking? He liked sharing things with Lois. He really did, but how on Earth did he answer this one? If he said he wasn’t thinking about anything in particular, she would know he was lying. She knew him well enough by now to know that he didn’t fall into long silences if he wasn’t thinking about something important.

Then again, if he lied and told her something completely different from what he had been thinking, then she would get mad at him for lying to her, when he’d already said it was something he never did. And she would feel hurt that he was keeping something from her.

“It’s okay,” she said with a sigh. “You don’t have to tell me.”

This time he did roll his eyes. Because now she was feeling left out of something, or that he was keeping something from her. Clark bit his lip.

“Lois, it’s not that I don’t want to share what I’m thinking. It’s just ... well, it’s something I need to sort out in my own head first.”

“And sometimes it helps to share to gain a better perspective,” she pointed out.

“In most cases, I would agree with you, honey, but I just need to figure some things out. That’s all. I promise you that when I am ready to share this with you, I will.” He reached over and stroked her cheek. “Okay?”

Lois was staring at him, looking a little stunned.

“Did you just call me honey?” Had he? Oh yeah, he had.

“Um, yes?”

“Oh.” She was silent for a moment. “You know, I never really thought of myself as a pet name kind of person.”

She was still pondering that idea when he pulled up at her townhouse. He got out and opened the door for her, walking down the sidewalk with her to her door, then using his spare key to open the front door.

Lois turned around as soon as the door was closed.

“So, um, what other pet names did you have in mind?”

Clark grinned. This was going to be fun.

“Hmm, darling, sweetheart, babycakes ...”

She frowned. “Babycakes? Sounds more like a gunmoll from the forties.”

“Well, how about this? Angel? Hot Lips?”

“Hot Lips? Why Hot Lips?”

“You can’t think why?” he asked. “Then let me demonstrate.” He claimed her lips with his, letting his tongue take just a tiny taste of her sweet fruit. “You are just about the hottest damn woman I’ve ever been with.”

“Only just about?” she teased.

Clark rolled his eyes at her. “Stop fishing for compliments, Lane. You know you beat all the other women I’ve dated hands down.”

“Oh? What about that brunette you were flirting with in the boutique?”

Clark frowned. “What brunette?”

“Weekend before last,” she reminded him.

Clark had almost forgotten about the brunette. Sure, she was pretty, but she didn’t hold a candle to Lois. He was sorry he’d broken the date with the girl, but even then she had seen the chemistry between him and Lois. To make up for it, he’d introduced her to one of the sports reporters at the Planet. A guy by the name of Michael Rosen. Carol had been more than forgiving once she’d met Mike.

“Lois, you are it for me, okay?”

“So even if you met someone like ... I don’t know ... that girl who plays Elena from that show about vampires. You’d still think I’m hotter?” Clark slowly pushed her back toward the bedroom.

“What girl?” he said, moving to kiss her again.

“What about Cat?” she asked, as he peeled her blouse from her shoulders.

“Cat who?” he whispered.

“Ooh, good answer,” Lois returned, her knees hitting the edge of the bed. Her hands were busy undoing the zipper of his jeans, just as he was undoing hers. Clark quickly kicked off his shoes, kissing her as he lowered her to the mattress.

Lois kissed him back hard, wrapping her arms around his neck as she drew him down to her. Clark began kissing her jaw, nibbling on her earlobe, eliciting a soft sigh from her. Slowly, he moved down, kissing her neck, then her breasts, and finally her belly. Lois let her legs fall open, and he moved easily between them, placing a soft kiss at the apex of her thighs.

“Clark,” Lois moaned softly.

He took in the soft, breathy moans, loving the way her body writhed underneath him. He heard her gasp as he slowly licked her, tasting the sweet dew, before thrusting his tongue inside her. He nibbled and licked and sucked until she was panting, pushing her mound into his face.

Clark withdrew, gently coaxing her to lay on her stomach. He grabbed one of the smaller pillows which had fallen on the floor, sliding it under her hips so her butt was higher. Then he slowly explored his way down her spine with just his mouth. By this time, Lois was begging him, but he was determined to take his time, to savour it. He knew even then, he would want more. He could not get enough of Lois Lane.

Using his thumbs to part her butt cheeks, Clark licked around her hole, grinning to himself as Lois clenched her cheeks reflexively.

“Relax for me, sweetheart,” he said softly.

She made a noise at the endearment but otherwise didn’t respond, relaxing as he tenderly massaged her. It was obvious that no other lover had ever done this to her before and Clark was going to make the most of it. Slowly, so as not to startle her, he continued to explore her with his mouth, hearing her soft sighs as she began to enjoy what he was doing. Then Lois cried out as he thrust inside her hole with his tongue.

“Oh my god!” she cried.

He shushed her, laying a gentle but firm hand on her back as she tried to get up, either to roll over or to get on hands and knees.

“It’s okay,” he said. “Just relax.”

“Clark, please!” she moaned.

He knew how aroused she was. He could smell her heady perfume and it had his dick throbbing with his own arousal. But through the years he’d learned control and knew he could hold off on his own release.

Moving his hand underneath her, he began stroking her. Lois moaned again, and writhed against him, signalling how close she was to her own release. He could feel tiny spasms as her body reacted to his touch.


Once again shushing her, Clark chuckled as she turned her head and fixed him with a fierce glare.

“Okay, okay, I know what you want,” he told her.

Clark used his free hand to guide himself inside her, filling her so slowly that Lois gave a tortured sigh. Lois’ vaginal muscles contracted around him, as if trying to pull him in, but he refused to give in to her body’s signals or his own body’s urges to thrust hard and fast. If he did then this would be over too quickly.

He lay over her, keeping most of his weight off her as he made love to her. Lois moved against him, trying to make him go faster, but he was having none of it. He continued to thrust slowly until, finally, his own body couldn’t stand the pressure.

Slipping his hands to her belly, Clark manoeuvred himself to a sitting position, with Lois on his lap. At this angle, he was able to thrust deeper inside her and Lois gave a low moan as he filled her completely. She tilted her head back on his shoulder so he could capture her mouth in a kiss. She took his hands and moved them to her breasts, then let him go and began stroking herself. Clark’s movements sped up and he thrust hard until Lois stiffened, her muscles squeezing him. With a cry, he let go.

Lois shifted off his lap and he slipped out of her, feeling her body shaking.

“Are you okay?” he asked as he helped her lay down.

She looked up at him, a huge smile on her face.

“Am I okay? God, Clark, that was incredible!”

“Well, I aim to please,” he returned, grinning at her. Lois snorted and punched his shoulder.

They settled down in the bed. Clark stroked her back, chuckling as Lois yawned. She snuggled closer to him, and he pulled her into his arms so her head lay on his shoulder.

“Mm, we still have to go to Lex’s for dinner,” Lois mumbled sleepily.

“We’ve got time,” he said. “Go to sleep baby.”

“Love you,” she said, yawning again.

“I love you,” he answered.

He woke an hour later realising he had left just enough time for a quick shower before he had to drive to his brother’s. Lois was still sleeping beside him, her head tucked into his shoulder, her hair in a tangled mess on the pillow.

Clark tilted his head and captured her lips in a sweet kiss meant to tease her into wakefulness. Lois moaned and muttered something, stretching.

“Time to wake up sleepyhead,” he said softly.

“Nooo, wanna stay here,” she moaned.

“And Lex will be mad if we don’t go for dinner,” he reminded her.

Lois tried to burrow under the covers. Clark decided there was nothing for it but to pick her up and carry her to the shower. Lois squealed in indignation when he turned on the water.

“That’s cold!” she said, shivering.

“But you’re awake now,” he chuckled.

“You’re mean!” she pouted. “You’re a mean man, Clark Luthor.”

He kissed her quickly. “Sure,” he said. “Say that now.”

Lois responded by putting her arms around his neck, opening her mouth to let him thrust his tongue in. They kissed for a few seconds, the water running down their naked bodies.

Clark pulled away and looked at her.

“Keep that up and we’ll be late for dinner,” he told her.

“Foiled again!” she sighed.

“And what dastardly plan did you have, Ms Lane?”

“Well, I was hoping to keep you tied to my bed forever,” she said.

Clark laughed. “Would never work. There isn’t a rope that can hold me.”

“Oh no, these are magic ropes,” she said. “They work on invulnerable aliens.”

“Magic ropes?” Oh, this was so silly. And he adored her for it.

He grabbed the shower gel and body brush and washed her down. Lois loved the attention, making noises that sounded a lot like the purring she’d made the night before. When he was done worshipping her, Lois turned and did the same for him. Clark had to tamp down on his desire for her, knowing they didn’t have time to get distracted.

By the time they were dressed and on their way to Lex’s, it was almost seven. Lois leaned forward and played with the radio dials until she found a station that played eighties music. And as the guitar riff began to play he rolled his eyes. How did she manage to find a song by Whitesnake?

Something in your smile was so inviting
Something in your eyes told me to stay
Something in your touch electrified me
Completing me in every single way

Now I realise as I look in your eyes
This must be love
Baby try to understand, my heart is in your hand

Love will set you free
Love will set you free
You can trust in me
My love will set you free

He frowned at her.

“What is it about Whitesnake that you love so much?”

She shrugged. “I dunno. I guess, well, my mom used to like some of their stuff. When Dad was away on a mission, she used to play their albums. I mean, it’s kind of like how you feel about that song last night. I guess it just helps me feel closer to her.”

Clark understood that. He often played the song when he was missing his mother. But somehow he just couldn’t imagine someone like Ella Lane being into a hard rock group like Whitesnake.

“It’s not just hard rock,” Lois told him when he mentioned that. “I mean, they do some really nice power ballads too. You know, like that song you got them to play in the club the other night.”

Clark had forgotten about that. Lois grinned at him.

“Hey, don’t knock my taste in music, and I won’t knock yours. Deal?”

“Okay, deal,” he said.

Lena must have been looking out for them as she flung open the door.

“Uncle Clark, Aunt Lois,” she shouted.

“Hey baby,” Clark said as he scooped her up in his arms.

“Guess what?” Lena said. “Daddy got me a kitten!”

“Really?” he answered.

She scrambled down from his arms and pulled him by the hand along the hallway.

“Come see,” she said.

As Clark entered the living room, he saw a tiny ball of black fluff curled up on the couch. Lena flopped on the cushions and picked up the kitten. Startled, it mewed plaintively.

“Lena, gently,” her father admonished her from the doorway. “She’s only little, remember?”

“Sorry Daddy. See Uncle Clark? Isn’t she cute?”

“She’s very cute honey. What are you calling her?”

“Well, I wanted to call her Hermione, after the girl in Harry Potter, but Daddy says it’s a bit of a mouthful, and then I thought Midnight, ‘cause she’s all black, but then I thought that would be a funny name for a cat and Daddy suggested Minnie, ‘cause it’s sort of a combination of the two.”

“Minnie,” Lois said. “That’s a good name. And she does look she suits it.”

“Want to hold her?” Lena asked Lois, holding out the kitten. “But she might try to bite you.”

“I think I can handle a bite from a kitten,” Lois smiled, taking the little bundle. The kitten just looked up at her as she held it carefully in one hand, stroking its back gently. The little animal just yawned delicately and settled on her hand.

“She likes you Aunt Lois.”

“Yeah, I think you’re right Lena.” Lois sat down on the couch and lowered the kitten to the cushions. “Let’s let her sleep while we have dinner, okay honey?”

“Okay.” Lena jumped up and grabbed Lois’ hand. “I’m hungry.”

“Go wash up first, Lena.”

Lois grinned up at Clark and he smiled back, winking at her.

“Come on, Lena, show me the bathroom so we can both wash up.”

Clark chuckled as Lex rolled his eyes.

“Let me guess,” he said. “She’s been driving you crazy since you brought the kitten home.”


“But she seems happier. You should play hooky more often.”

“Look who’s talking,” Lex commented. “No wild guesses on what you and Lois have been doing since you left the zoo.”

“I don’t kiss and tell,” Clark told his brother.

“Since when,” Lex snorted. Clark followed him into the dining room.

As they sat down at the table to wait for the girls to return, Clark looked at him seriously.

“There’s something I need to talk to you about. Concerning me and Lois.”

“You haven’t proposed already, have you? Since I have it on good authority that you and Lois are planning on tying the knot.”

“No, I haven’t proposed. But I will. I just want it to be special. And it does have something to do with that. But we’ll talk later about it,” he said, as Lois and Lena came back in.

Dinner was similar to the breakfast they’d all shared that morning. Clark could see the laughter in Lois’ eyes as they bantered back and forth. He loved teasing his brother, and Lex clearly enjoyed the verbal judo. It was something that they hadn’t done enough of in the years they’d barely been able to say a civil word to each other.

Lois volunteered to load the dishwasher and Lena volunteered to clear the table so Lex and Clark could set up the pool table for their game. Clark was glad of the opportunity as it gave him a chance to broach the subject with his brother.

“So what did you want to talk to me about?” Lex asked as he began setting the balls on the green baize.

“I want to have a baby,” he blurted.

Lex chuckled. “Well, last time I checked, Clark, you’re a guy. Alien or no. I don’t think it’s possible.”

“Har de har har har. Very funny. I meant with Lois, dork,”

Lex looked at him, his expression serious.

“All kidding aside, is this really what you want?”

“I love Lois. More than I have ever loved anyone.”

“But Clark, you’ve barely been dating a week.”

“We’ve spent practically every moment together since then, and I know how I feel, Lex. I’m so in love with her I can’t see straight. I just know that she’s the one I’m meant to be with for the rest of my life.”

“However long that is,” Lex commented. Clark frowned at him. “Well, come on, Clark, we don’t really know how long you’ll live for.”

Clark sighed. “Yeah, but that’s not the point, really. I mean, one thing I’ve learned from the last few days is that you have to grasp at every chance you have at happiness. And Lois makes me happy.”

“You really are gone, aren’t you? I never would have thought it, you know? I mean, I’ve done my own share of sowing, but I never thought you would find someone to settle down with.” He picked up the pool cue and started chalking the tip. “So, why a baby?”

“Because I know Lois wants kids, and so do I. And it would be like, you know, the icing on the cake for us. We were talking about it this morning and it’s just something that I feel strongly about.”

“So what’s the problem then?”

“I don’t know if I can have kids,” he said. “I mean, with the whole ‘alien’ thing.”

Lex bit his lip. “Okay, yeah, I can see where that might be a problem. But Clark, I have to be honest here. You’re jumping into this mighty fast. I mean, you and Lois have only just got together and you haven’t even discussed marriage yet. Don’t you think you should, I don’t know, get married first and then think about having kids?”

Clark knew Lex had a point where that was concerned. But he had a deeper motive in mind.

“I just ... I’d rather know Lex. Because if there was a chance I couldn’t have kids, I would rather Lois have that choice.”

“What? You mean choose to stay?”

“Or find someone who can give her that.”

“Clark, you’d deny your own happiness just so Lois can have a biological child? You know as well as I do that biology doesn’t guarantee someone will be a good parent. Or have you forgotten what Lionel did to both of us?”

“No, I haven’t forgotten. And yeah, that’s kind of what Lois said.”

“You can always adopt, you know.”

“Yeah, she said that too.”

“Well, it sounds to me like Lois has already made that choice. Clark, Lois loves you. She makes that plainly obvious. Whether or not you can have a biological child is irrelevant.”

“Still ...”

“And I think you need to give it time, Clark. Let yourselves settle into the relationship first. Get married, or whatever. You know, lots of couples have problems conceiving. But they usually wait a couple of years before they start thinking about the whys and wherefores. You’re only twenty-five. You have time.”

“And I feel like I’ve wasted most of the last five years.”

“No, I don’t think so,” Lex said, shaking his head. “If you hadn’t had the experiences you’ve had over the last few years, all the women you’ve been with, you wouldn’t have recognised the real thing when you found it. And despite all your abilities, you really weren’t emotionally mature enough for it when you were twenty. Trust me, Clark. I made my share of mistakes too at that age. I mean, I might have Lena out of it, but in a lot of ways, I don’t think I was mature enough either to get married at twenty-three.” Lex laid the stick on the table and came around, laying his hands on Clark’s shoulders. “You don’t have to be in such a rush, Clark. Lois is worth the wait.”

Clark nodded. Lex was right. He was too impatient, too impulsive. Lionel had told him it was one of his failings. He could afford to take the time. Lois was the one. And whether they got married and started a family now or in a year or so didn’t matter. He could wait.



( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Feb. 15th, 2012 02:50 am (UTC)
Awww Love the trip to the zoo. Clark should just pop over and aks Jor-el I'm sure he would tell him. Great chapter honey!!!
Feb. 15th, 2012 02:54 am (UTC)
Clark still doesn't completely trust Jor-El to understand what he's feeling, and he's a little afraid of the answer tbh.
Feb. 15th, 2012 10:15 am (UTC)
Absolutely LOVE this chapter sweetie!
Feb. 15th, 2012 07:23 pm (UTC)
Thanks honey
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )

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