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The Truth About Men and Women 20/74

Author: phoenixnz
Fandom: Smallville
Genre: Romcom,Drama, movie knock-off, AU
Rating: R (for innuendo, although there may be smut later)
Pairing: Clark Luthor/Lois Lane
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, not even the AU ones, or the movie this one is based on. Some situations from the movie The Ugly Truth are borrowed for effect, but with a Smallville spin on them.
Feedback: Yesh pleash
Art: dream_infinity0

Summary: Lois Lane is a dedicated journalist. So dedicated in fact that she has trouble with relationships. She is mortified when cable show host and womaniser Clark Luthor joins the Daily Planet as a columnist and he begins teaching her the truth about male/female relationships. From his angle anyway.

a/n: A comment was made that Chloe was being a little interfering. Okay, a lot interfering. Well, Lois finds out just how interfering in this chapter and takes Chloe to task over it.


Chapter Twenty

Clark watched Lois in the rear view mirror as Lex drove back to his place. He’d been worried for a few moments, especially when Lucas had been holding the gun on her. But he had to admit that Lois held her own. Which gave him more confidence in her ability to get herself out of tight spots.

Of course, things might have turned out differently if he hadn’t gone in as the Blur in the first place. Lois had been outnumbered until he’d thrown those two guards. He just hoped she hadn’t seen him throw the guards. Then again, she would have started asking questions about his abilities.

Lois had fallen silent. Probably coming down from the adrenaline rush. They would need to have a serious discussion about what had happened tonight. And knowing Lex, he would figure there was no time like the present.

But as soon as they were in the door, they were greeted by a little spitfire with red hair. She launched herself at Lois.


“Lena, what are you doing out of bed?” Lex admonished her. Lena looked apologetically at her father.

“Sorry daddy, but when you said Lois was in trouble ...”

“I’m fine,” Lois said, giving the girl a hug.

Clark looked at her dubiously. Despite the excitement just hours before, she was pale and seemed tired. But she was doing her best to not look that way for Lena’s sake.

Lena was bouncing up and down excitedly.

“So what happened? Were you chasing bad guys? I bet it was really cool!”

“Lena, honey, Lois is tired and I’m betting she hasn’t eaten anything,” Clark told his niece. Lois glanced at him and nodded wearily. “I think Lex has some leftovers from dinner. How about I make you a sandwich?”

“Thanks,” Lois answered. “That would be great.”

Oliver was in the kitchen, talking with Chloe. From the conversation, Clark gleaned that they’d both opted to stay behind and make sure Lena was taken care of.

“How’s Lois?” Chloe asked.

“She’s fine,” Clark told her as he began pulling some of the leftovers from the fridge. “Lena cornered her.”

“But really, how is she?”

“Aside from the fact that Lucas nearly killed her?”

Oliver looked at him. “So it is Lucas.”

“I hope he’s in jail,” Chloe growled.

Clark sighed and shook his head as he began buttering some bread. “As much as I would like that, we can’t really prove anything illegal was going on down there.”

“What about the kids working there?” Lois asked, having found her way into the kitchen.

“Kids?” Chloe asked.

“From what Lou told me, Lucas has been dealing in human trafficking. There were kids as young as twelve working there.”

“That doesn’t prove he’s dealing in human trafficking,” Clark reminded her. “We’d need to prove it beyond a shadow of a doubt.”

Lois sighed and sat down at the counter.

“You’re right. Damn it!” She huffed noisily and leaned her chin on her hand.

Clark cut the sandwich and put it on a plate, pushing it over to her. Lois looked at it, then picked it up and bit into it.

“Oh god, that’s good,” she sighed happily.

“So I hear Lena ambushed you,” Oliver said, changing the subject.

Lois nodded, still munching on the sandwich. She chewed quickly and swallowed.

“Lex is putting her to bed.”

Oliver was frowning. “You know, Lena doesn’t take to people she doesn’t know very well.”

Clark nodded. “That is true.” He turned his head and smiled at Lois. “Which must mean she sees something special in you.”

Lois rolled her eyes at him. “Nice try, Luthor. But I’m not falling for that line.”

“It’s not a line,” he told her honestly.

Lois raised her eyebrow, but said nothing.

Bruce chose that moment to come in. Clark glanced at him, curious as to why he’d shown up at all. Before Clark had taken off, Bruce and Lex had demanded to know the location, but without saying why. He was grateful for the way Lex had turned up as it had stopped his cover being blown, although he’d been surprised that Lex had narrowed down the location that easily. Until he realised that Lex would have tracked him using the GPS on his phone.

Lois was also looking at Bruce curiously and threw her cousin a questioning glance. Chloe turned to Bruce.

“Did you get that business all sorted out?” she asked. She turned to the others and quickly explained that Bruce had been called to an emergency business meeting.

“Yes,” he said shortly.

“What kind of business do you do at this time of night?” Lois frowned.

“The kind where certain individuals prefer to keep their meetings under wraps.” He went on at Lois’ look. “It’s nothing illegal,” he assured her. “It’s just that Wayne Enterprises has a few government contracts which involve sensitive material. And it’s a necessity sometimes to meet with contractors after hours to ensure complete confidentiality.”

Smooth, Clark thought. Bruce was able to give nothing away yet make it sound as if he was confiding in them.

Chloe got up from her seat and hugged her cousin. “I’m glad to know you’re okay. Then I won’t have to kill Clark after all.”

Lois accepted the hug but frowned at the blonde.

“What’s this?” she asked.

“I told Clark if he ever did anything to hurt you, then I’d kill him.”

“Chloe!” Both Clark and Lois spoke at the same time. Chloe just shrugged.

“Chloe, you had no right to say anything,” Lois told her in a low voice. Clark felt a little bad for eavesdropping, but since it concerned him, he figured it would be okay.

“I have every right,” Chloe hissed back. “You’re my family.”

“And I don’t need you to protect me,” Lois told her. “Clark might be a jerk sometimes, but what I do with him is my choice to make.”

“He’ll cheat on you,” Chloe told her. “Or get what he wants from you then dump you.”

“That’s my choice to make,” Lois repeated. “If I ever decide to take that step. And you’ve got Bruce. Chlo, I love you, but butt out, okay? The only person who gets to bust Clark’s chops from now on is me. Got it?”

Lex came in, grabbing the coffee pot and pouring himself a cup of coffee.

“Lena okay?” Clark asked.

“Yeah, she wanted a story. Or rather she wanted you to tell her a story. I told her you’d do it some other night.” He sipped from his cup and looked at Lois. “I think we need to talk about what happened tonight, don’t you?”

Lois flushed guiltily.

“Tell us what happened Lois.”

Clark listened as Lois explained about firstly the call from the Blur and her research trip to City Hall trying to find some record of the property purchases. Then she told of the call from Lou, the visit to his bar and, finally, what she’d found out in the warehouse.

Clark was worried. The fact that Lucas had had Kryptonite shipped in from Smallville did not bode well. And it meant that Lucas had known of the experiments Lionel had been doing with the meteor rock on Level Three of the Smallville plant. He wondered if Lucas had learned of it the same year Lionel had tried to con him out of his shares. If he had, that meant he’d been planning this for a long time.

He glanced at Lex. They would have to discuss this revelation a little later. When Lois wasn’t around.

“Did you happen to see anyone else there?” Bruce asked.

Lois frowned at him, but shook her head. “All I could see was Lucas. Why?”

“No reason.”

“You know, I wonder why Batman was there,” she mused.

“Maybe he heard something was going down and thought he could help,” Chloe said.

Lois looked at her cousin. “Do you know who Batman is?” she asked. “I mean, you live in Gotham.”

“Sorry, Lois. I don’t. I don’t even think Bruce knows,” she said, looking questioningly up at Bruce.

Lois was going to be so mad when she found out the truth. But at least Clark wasn’t going to be the only target for her anger.

“It doesn’t matter what Batman was doing in the city,” Lex began. “Lois ...”

But Lois clearly wasn’t ready to let that topic slide.

“What about the rumours that the Joker has been seen in Metropolis?” Lois asked.

“Well, since I don’t know who the Joker is,” Bruce told her, “I can hardly confirm any such rumours.”

“But you must have some contacts,” Lois argued. “Chloe? What about you?”

“Well, I suppose I could try to get in contact with Commissioner Gordon,” Chloe said reasonably, giving Bruce a look. He glowered back at her.

“Lois!” Lex said. She turned and looked at him. “Thank you.”

“Something the matter? Boss?”

He shook his head at her. “See, there’s that word. Boss. And it doesn’t make one damned bit of difference to you, does it?”

“What are you getting at?”

“Lois, I asked Clark to work with you for a reason. Can you remind me what that was?”

“Uh, so I wouldn’t, um, get myself into trouble?” she said.

Clark looked at his brother. Lex might have been amused in the car, but he was clearly not so now.

“Uh, Lex,” he began. “Don’t you think ...”

“Don’t you turn on me, Clark. Lois knew she wasn’t supposed to go out on these jobs alone but the first opportunity, what does she do?”

“She goes out alone,” Clark sighed.

“And nearly gets herself killed!”

“But you said ...”

“I know what I said, Lois. I am also not willing to pay out funeral costs if you should get yourself killed on a job. You got lucky tonight. And I have a feeling that you may have the Blur and Batman to thank for that.”

Lex sighed. “Lois, I understand why you feel the need to take risks, but please, for your own sake, stop! I don’t think my blood pressure, nor Perry’s, could take it.”

“But how am I supposed to chase up leads if ...”

“I’m not saying don’t chase up leads. Just call Clark first and have him go with you.”

Lois grumbled under her breath. Chloe, Oliver and Bruce were looking at her and shaking their heads.

“Clark, why don’t you drive Lois home,” Lex suggested.

Clark nodded. “C’mon Lois. Grab your stuff. I’ll take you home.”

She was silent in the car for a few minutes. Clark could see she was mulling over what Lex had said. He just hoped some of it had sunk in.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

She turned her head and looked at him. “For what?”

“If Lex was a little harsh on you.”

Lois shrugged. “He’s my boss. I guess he has a point. Insurance premiums must be costing him a bundle.”

“Lois, you don’t have to be so flippant about this.”

“Look, Clark, I get it. I shouldn’t have lied to you, but when I’m working on a story I’m so focused on it that I ...”

“You forget everything else. Even your partner?”

“Well, you wouldn’t be my partner if Lex hadn’t ordered you to do it.”

“And Lex wouldn’t have ordered it if you hadn’t been taking so many risks to start with. Don’t you see, we’re just going to go around and around in circles.”

Lois turned in her seat and Clark took his eyes off the road for a second to glance at her.

“That’s the thing, Clark. Lex says he understands, but he couldn’t possibly understand what it’s like for me. I mean, let’s be realistic here. I’m in a man’s world. How many female investigative reporters do you think there are? Not many, I can tell you. I’m forever competing with guys who take far more risks than I do.”

“You really think it’s about you being a woman?” Clark asked.

Clark was sure Lex would say the same thing to him. Investigative reporters did have to take risks. But the point was, not many of them took as many risks as Lois did.

“Oh come on, Clark. We both know that’s the only reason why Lex asked you to buddy up with me.”

“That is not the reason. Lois, you were nearly killed less than a week ago and you were nearly killed tonight.”

“Ooh, that reminds me. Take a detour, Clark.”


“I want to see those shipping manifests again. I want to know what Lucas was bringing in from Smallville.”

Clark sighed heavily. “We know what Lucas was bringing in from Smallville, Lois. Meteor rock.”

Lois stared at him. “What? How could you keep this from me?”

Clark pulled over to the side of the road.

“We didn’t know until tonight. Look, Lionel was using meteor rock in experiments. On people.”

“So the meteors were to blame for a lot of the weird stuff that went on in Smallville?”

“As far as we know, yes. But what we don’t know is what Lucas plans to do with it.”

“All the more reason to go back to that warehouse and see what we can dig up,” she said.

“Don’t you think you’ve caused enough trouble tonight?”

“I think you have me mistaken for your psycho brother,” she told him, sniffing angrily. “You know what, fine. I’ll just get a cab and go back there myself. I’m sure Lucas will still be getting patched up.”

She started to take off her seatbelt and open the door. But Clark acted quickly and locked the door from his side. Lois turned and glared at him.

“What are you doing? Unlock this door right now!”

“No, Lois. Not until you hear me out. Look, we can go back another time. Together.”

“By that time they’ll have got rid of any evidence,” she told him. She pulled on the door handle. “Damn it, Luthor ...” she growled.

Before Clark could move, she threw herself across him, reaching for the door lock on his side. Her hand on his thigh was perilously close to his groin and his jeans were already starting to tighten in awareness.

Clark grabbed her hands before she could get to the lock and pulled her down, praising his foresight in getting a car with plenty of leg room. Lois stared at him for a moment, then covered his lips with her own. Clark felt her tongue thrusting between them, coaxing his lips apart, demanding entry. He let go of her hands to place one hand behind her neck and the other at the small of her back to support her.

He moaned softly as Lois continued to kiss him, thrusting her leg in between his. He could feel her knee rubbing against his groin and it took all his self-control not to use his heat vision. He let her deepen the kiss, their tongues tangling, the heat between them growing until it felt like they were in a furnace. Lois was pulling on his shirt, trying to pull it open and he heard a button fly off and land somewhere underneath the dash.

It felt as if her hands were everywhere, and then suddenly it all stopped. Lois was backing away, her hand scrabbling for the door. Then she had it open and was out of the car.

He’d just been snookered!

“God damn her,” he growled, doing his best to rearrange his clothes into some semblance of order, then started the car again. He drove along, searching for her in the darkness, knowing she was going to go back to that warehouse come hell or high water.

He found her on one of the side streets. Lois saw him and took off running. He got out of the car and pursued her.

“God damn it, Lane!” he growled as he caught up with her. “You know what Lex said.”

“And I also know there’s something more going on down at that warehouse. If you’re too much of a wuss to go down there ...”

“I’m not a wuss!” he answered. “Fine! You win! Get in the car. We’ll go check it out.”

“I don’t believe you,” she said. “How do I know you’re not going to just take me home and ... I don’t know, tie me to my bed or something?”

“As much as I would love to explore this obvious kink you have, Lois, I know damn well even if I did take you home you’d only stop long enough to change your clothes and you’d be off out the door again. No matter what Lex said. At least, this way, if I go with you, I can make sure you stay out of trouble.”

Lois looked at him warily, but got in the car.



( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
Nov. 2nd, 2011 09:11 am (UTC)
What an AWESOME evil cliffy!!!

Well done!
Nov. 2nd, 2011 07:37 pm (UTC)
the fun is just beginning with these two.
Nov. 2nd, 2011 10:33 pm (UTC)
Go Lois! Tell them like it is. Clark is HErS to pick on now...lol WOnderful chapter honey!!!
Nov. 2nd, 2011 10:49 pm (UTC)
Yep, no one else gets to bust his chops, LOL.
Nov. 2nd, 2011 11:25 pm (UTC)
great chapter
Nov. 3rd, 2011 05:26 am (UTC)
Thanks hon, glad you like it.
(Deleted comment)
May. 14th, 2012 07:41 am (UTC)
Sorry to disappoint.
( 7 comments — Leave a comment )

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