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The Truth About Men and Women 13/74

Author: phoenixnz
Fandom: Smallville
Genre: Romcom,Drama, movie knock-off, AU
Rating: R (for innuendo, although there may be smut later)
Pairing: Clark Luthor/Lois Lane
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, not even the AU ones, or the movie this one is based on. Some situations from the movie The Ugly Truth are borrowed for effect, but with a Smallville spin on them.
Feedback: Yesh pleash
Art: dream_infinity0

Summary: Lois Lane is a dedicated journalist. So dedicated in fact that she has trouble with relationships. She is mortified when cable show host and womaniser Clark Luthor joins the Daily Planet as a columnist and he begins teaching her the truth about male/female relationships. From his angle anyway.


Chapter Thirteen

Lois hadn’t been able to stop thinking about that whole incident all weekend. It was annoying, sometimes, how contradictory Clark could be. When they were alone, he could be arrogant, obnoxious even. But she could see that he genuinely cared for his niece. And maybe that was the way to his heart, she thought, as she dressed with care early Monday morning.

Oh what the hell was she thinking, she decided as she pulled the hem of her new blouse down roughly. She didn’t want to get to his heart. She didn’t want anything to do with Clark. He was not her type. Definitely not. She sighed. So, Lois, she told herself, why were you thinking about him all day Sunday?

As she checked her reflection in the mirror, she had to admit that Clark had great taste in clothes. The red v-necked blouse suited her colouring and moulded to her curves. All her other clothes had been fine, except they had been designed to hide her body.

It wasn’t that she had bad taste in clothes. It was just that she’d shopped for practicality. The general had once told her there was no room for beauty in the army. And all the women she’d known growing up had spent ninety percent of their time in army green. The only guys Lois had ever dated before she’d gone away to college had been Green Berets or Navy Seals. And the only guys she’d dated since then had been the button-down preppy lawyer types, like that guy Matt. Certainly not the likes of Clark Luthor.

Lois huffed impatiently. Come on, Lane, she told herself. The only thing a guy like Clark was interested in was the horizontal tango. He certainly wasn’t in it for the long haul. She needed to stop wasting her energy on him.

Now Oliver Queen. Six foot three of blonde and handsome. There was a guy who might just have potential. And since she did have a bet to win, she wondered if Oliver would be willing to give her a shot.

She walked into the bullpen and grabbed herself a cup of coffee, grimacing at the bitter taste. Someone had left it brewing too long. But it was better than nothing.

“Morning Lois,” Cat said, sounding as if she’d just crawled out of bed. “Heard you hit the big time on the weekend.”

“If you count getting kidnapped then almost getting shot hitting the big time,” she countered.

“Did you really get saved by the Blur?” Cat asked. “Did you see who he was?”

“Yes, and no.”

Cat looked disappointed. “I bet he’s dreamy,” she sighed. “I’d love to know what he looks like.”

Lois shrugged and snorted. “How would you know? He could be really unattractive and that’s why he hides himself in the shadows.”

Cat seemed surprised. “You think so? I mean, just the idea of him sounds so ... I would love for him to come and rescue me.”

“You’d have to be in mortal danger for the Blur to rescue you,” Clark said behind Lois. “And I wouldn’t recommend it. I’d hate for anything bad to happen to that pretty face.” He said it in such a way that it sounded flirtatious, looking Cat up and down as if she was the best thing since sliced bread.

The blonde wilted and Lois rolled her eyes. She refilled her cup and turned away, walking to her office.

“Get up on the wrong side of bed this morning Lois?” Clark asked, smirking at her as he followed her inside, sitting down in the chair opposite her.

“Look, Luthor, what you do on your downtime is your own business. But do you have to flirt during office hours? And why are you such a Blur hater?”

Clark frowned. “What are you talking about? I don’t hate the Blur.”

“You implied that the Blur only saves people if they’re in mortal danger. That’s not all he does, you know.”

“And you would know this how?”

“I’ve been following Blur sightings all over Metropolis. The man is a hero, Clark.”

“Yeah, well, you know, there has to be something wrong with a guy who goes about saving people and not expecting something in return. I mean, how do you know he doesn’t have some kind of hidden agenda?”

“You know, just because you Luthors have ulterior motives in everything you do, the same does not apply to someone like the Blur.”

Clark snorted. “You keep telling yourself that, Lois. Personally, I just think you’ve got a bad case of hero worship. Some reporter you are.”

“At least I’m not that much of a cynic. And before you tell me I’m biased because the Blur’s saved me a couple of times, I’m not. I’ve been doing a bit of research on the Blur and he’s helped a lot of people. I even think he helped people in Smallville.”

She studied Clark. She kept forgetting that Clark had spent a year or two in Smallville. And he’d been there around the same time there had been potential Blur saves in the town. She opened her mouth to ask him if he’d seen anything unusual in Smallville, but Clark looked bored. She decided a change of subject was in order.

“Um, so how’s Lena? Was Lex mad at her?”

“Upset is more like it. But Lena’s fine. Sulking because she’s grounded, of course. Lex banned her from the tv and her computer, unless she’s doing homework.”

“She’s a sweet kid, Clark. Has Lex ever thought about getting remarried? I mean, it might help Lena to have a mother. Or a mother figure.”

“Lex is too busy trying to undo all the evil Lionel did to even think about dating, let alone getting married to a woman who decided she was more interested in his money than him.”

“He works too much. It’s not good for him. And it’s not good for Lena.”

“I totally agree with you, Lois, but even I can’t tell my brother what to do.” He stood up abruptly. “I gotta go,” he said, then walked out.

All in all, it had been a weird conversation, Lois thought as she analysed it later. The problem was, she just didn’t get Clark at all. And she didn’t think she ever would.

Fortunately, she was too busy to dwell on it too much. Shortly after Clark had left, she had heard the police calling in a bank robbery on the scanner and had dashed off to the scene. But the Blur had already been and gone, tying up the robbers and dumping them in the police’s laps. Lois hadn’t been able to get a comment from the police, but the acting mayor had been more than happy to add his comments, praising the Blur’s efforts.

“Thanks to him, Metropolis is beginning to be a safer place to live once more.”

There was one thing Lois noticed while she was out, and that was the appreciative glances she got from all the men, and some of the women too, she noted. Before, their gazes had flicked over her and while not quite being dismissive, they hadn’t exactly lingered. Lois had to admit she got a tiny thrill over the way the men looked at her now. It turned out Clark had been right on that score after all.

Lois returned to the office to write up her article, wondering how long it would take for Clark to heap scorn and derision on her praise of the Blur. As she read it over, she wondered if Clark might just have a point. She did tend to be a little biased when it came to the Blur. Journalists were supposed to be objective observers, not participants. And there was no place for purple prose in news articles.

Scrapping the article, she rewrote it, sticking to a ‘just-the-facts-ma’am’ angle. But as she read it over she could see that it was lacking something. It was boring.

Goddamn it, why was she listening to Clark anyway? She was the one who had won a journalism award. He was a columnist and would-be reporter, and all around buttinski.

Giving up on the article for a moment, Lois sighed and got up, picking up her coffee mug to go pour herself another cup of the diesel fuel that passed for coffee in this place. As she brushed past the desk, some papers fell on the floor. With another sigh, she put the mug on the desk and bent down to pick up the papers. She saw a business card underneath the desk and snatched it up. Oliver.

Screw Clark, she thought, picking up the phone and dialling Oliver’s cell.

“Oliver Queen,” came the voice. It was short, sharp and Lois guessed he must be busy. But she’d come this far.

“Oliver, it’s Lois. Lois Lane.” Oliver’s tone instantly changed to a low, almost throaty sound when he spoke.

“Lois. What can I do for you?”

“Um, well, I was wondering, how busy are you?”

She looked up, hearing footsteps, and rolled her eyes. Clark had come in. She deliberately turned her back on him.

“Uh, what I meant to say was, I was hoping you might be free on Friday night. Because if you weren’t, I was thinking that maybe we could, um get together.”

Clark, not to be deterred, had come around the desk and was signalling frantically at her. Hang up now, Clark was mouthing. She frowned and waved him away.

“Well, Lois, I don’t know if I’m going to be free,” Oliver said, and it sounded like amusement in his voice. Was he laughing at her?

“Oh, okay. Well, you know where to find me,” she said, saying a quick goodbye and hanging up. Her cheeks were on fire. “Oh god,” she moaned. “I sounded desperate. No wonder he was laughing at me.”

“I’m sure he wasn’t,” Clark said, his tone sympathetic. “But you shouldn’t have done that without talking to me first.”


“Because I could have told you that Ollie prefers to do the asking. He’s not that into assertive women.”

“Oh shit. I’ve really screwed this up. I just saw the card and I ... crap, crap, crap.”

“Look, don’t worry about it,” Clark said. “Like I said, Oliver just likes a certain type of woman. Now me, I don’t mind if a girl asks me out. Actually, it turns me on to see a woman confident enough to ask a guy out.”

Lois snorted. “Everything with you is a turn-on,” she told him.

Clark grinned. “I cannot tell a lie.”

Now why did Lois find that hard to believe?

Lois sat back, sighing. She really had screwed up. Question was, what was she going to do about it? Oliver had been her only hope for Friday night. Then again, there was that cop down at the fourteenth precinct who ...

“Look,” Clark was saying. “I can help you on that score.”

“Get a date? Uh, I thought we had a bet?” she said.

Clark smirked. “Well, yeah, but I wouldn’t want to win the bet too easily. Kind of cheapens it somehow.”

Lois snorted. “Oh please, like a roll in the sack with you isn’t cheap anyway.”

“What are you suggesting, Lois, that the women I sleep with don’t have a good time?”

“Oh, I’m sure they have a good time, but how good is debatable.”

Clark grinned, sitting in the other chair and leaning back, hands on his head.

“I think they have more than an okay time.”

“Why? Because they have an orgasm?”

“Or three.”

“How do you know they’re not faking?” she asked.

“They’d never do that,” Clark said, shaking his head.

“You don’t know that.”

“Trust me, I know when a woman’s faking an orgasm.”

“Oh come on, really? Your head’s so far up your own ass you wouldn’t be able to tell anyway.”

Clark’s green eyes glittered as he glared at her.

“What are you implying, Lois? That I’m a selfish lover? Trust me, I know how to pleasure a woman.”

Care to give me a demonstration, Lois thought, then shook her head. There was no way in hell she was ever going to let him ...

She started. Clark had slipped from the chair and was hovering over her.

“Trust me,” he said in a low voice.

And then his lips were capturing hers in a hard kiss that had all her senses reeling. Clark’s tongue pushed its way between her lips, making them tingle with its gentle exploration. Lois whimpered, unable to stop the sound as the kiss deepened. Clark pulled her forward, his hands seeming so gentle on her arms yet his grip firm. He lifted his mouth from hers and she leaned forward, seeking more of his kiss, her whole body alive with his touch.

“Earth to Lois.”

Lois blinked and looked up. Clark was smirking at her from his seat. She frowned. Damn, it had just been a daydream.

“Sorry, you were saying?”

“I was changing the subject. You looked like you were working on an article,” he said.

“Uh, yeah. The bank robbery.” She made a sour face, as if she’d tasted a lemon.

“Let me see,” he said.


“Well, you don’t seem too happy about it.”

Lois rolled her eyes. “Fine. Take a look then.”

She rolled her chair away from the screen to allow Clark room and he read the story on the screen. She couldn’t help staring at the way his back muscles moved when he did underneath the silk shirt he was wearing. The fabric strained slightly, stretching to accommodate his bulk. He wasn’t fat by any means, but he was certainly well-built.

She found herself wondering what it would be like to run her hands up and down that body. Silk and steel, she thought. Just one touch, Lois, she thought, reaching out.

Clark sat up straighter suddenly.

“Well, it is a little bland. What happened to your usual style?”

“Um, well, maybe I am a little biased when it comes to the Blur,” she admitted.

Clark raised an eyebrow at her. “You actually listened to me? Wonders will never cease.”

“I don’t know why,” she grumbled. “There was nothing wrong with what I wrote before.”

“Have you ever thought that maybe the Blur isn’t in to self-promotion and that’s why he keeps in the shadows?”

“I thought you said he had some kind of hidden agenda?”

“Okay, so maybe that was a little out of line. I mean, you were right before. Lionel never did anything without an ulterior motive and I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”

“Aren’t you adopted?” Lois asked with a frown.

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“Um, nothing, I don’t know. I guess I just find it hard to believe you would actually listen to something I said, let alone say I’m right.”

“Yeah, don’t get used to it Lane. It will be a very rare event.”

“Whatever!” she snorted. “So, if the Blur isn’t in to self-promotion, how do you think he feels about all the stories in the newspaper?”

“Well, since I don’t know the Blur personally, I can only hazard a guess and say that he’s helps because it’s the right thing to do. But it’s not the only thing. I mean, maybe he’s trying to inspire people too.”

“I guess,” Lois said doubtfully. “I really wish I could talk to him though.”

Clark shrugged. “Can’t help you with that. Sorry.” He turned back to the screen. “Look, maybe with this article, you can do a combination of both. Less of the flowery bullshit, stick to the facts and let your quotes say the rest.” He began typing, picking up parts of her first draft and pasting them into the second article. Lois watched him work and within minutes, the article took shape. And it was actually pretty good. She’d been right in her first assessment of Clark’s writing. He was not a bad writer.

The phone rang and Lois picked it up.

“Lois Lane,” she said.

“Lois, it’s Oliver.”

Lois stared wide-eyed at Clark. ‘He called back’, she mouthed.

Clark gestured to her to cover the mouthpiece.

“Tell him you’re on a deadline and you’ll call him back.”

She raised an eyebrow at him, but nodded and uncovered the mouthpiece.

“Oliver, hi, look, I’m on a deadline. Can I call you back?”

“Sure,” he said.

Lois hung up and frowned at Clark. “Okay, why did I just lie through my teeth to him?”

“You’re playing hard to get. Guys like that.” He pressed a key on the computer and printed the article. “Okay, you’re done. Come on, I’ll buy you lunch.”

“But ... what about Oliver?”

“Let him stew on it for a while,” he said. “Come on, Lois, I’m starving.”



( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
Oct. 15th, 2011 08:08 am (UTC)
Absolutely LOVE this new chapter!

Well done honey!
Oct. 16th, 2011 02:03 am (UTC)
Thanks hon, I'm glad you loved the new chapter.
Oct. 15th, 2011 06:59 pm (UTC)
that was great chapter. i was glad you updated
Oct. 16th, 2011 02:04 am (UTC)
Sorry I haven't been updating on this one for a wee while. You know how it is when you get caught up with something else. I'm glad you liked the chapter.
Oct. 16th, 2011 01:41 am (UTC)
Loved it. I missed some chapters but I got all caught up and I'm glad I did. Lena is adorable and I hope to see more scenes between her, Lois, and Clark. Perhaps she will try to matchmake? (Sounds like something she would do)
Oct. 16th, 2011 02:05 am (UTC)
That's okay hon. And yes, there will be more scenes between Lena, Lois and Clark. I'm glad you're enjoying the story.
(Deleted comment)
May. 14th, 2012 07:33 am (UTC)
Well, it's not quite like the movie since I bring in a lot more plot twists
( 7 comments — Leave a comment )

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